Loosing

The pain to loosing a friend or loosing a best friend who has failed you countless of times you wonder how can this person do something to hurt me so bad? Well nobody can really answer that question their will be family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends and others who will hurt you. The only thing you can do is let "only time heal you." that quote has a very strong saying because normally your good memories with those people are everywhere.. it makes us cry, angry, and sometimes even lonely... even trying to trust other people becomes more of a harder task.. but its up to you to make the choose in if your going to sit their and let that hurt control you or move forward.

Motivation

Motivation comes from the root word motive, not much people have it... but we try to acquire this motivation in which we desire to finish a project... or  get something done. Everyday we think a lot of negativity because of the people we hang around with and with that our motivation level goes down... how can you say that .... how do you know how it feels you ask... well everyday I know I struggle with motivation or even the little thing we call confidence... if its either to such things broke down into things like test, boyfriend, friends, even being indecisive to choosing what I want to eat on a restaurant menu.. their also lots of things that do bring up your motivation and thats when you pass a test you studied so hard on, or when your boyfriend calls you beautiful, or being able to K-n-o-w what you want when you go to a restaurant. Motivation helps lots of people... but also some people don't need motivation their already motivated to work without needing a push from others. 

Friends...

Friends of today how can I write anything but true things in this post well recently one of my classmates sister.. has passed away because of cyber bullying I didn't really know her much but I did know her sister.. I still know here and their is not one day where I thought .... why doesn't she just leave me alone?... I felt like all of these feelings where bottled and I never really prayed for something to happen to her but I felt like it was horrible to what I thought about her.. I feel bad that I said those things in my head ... and when that happened I was to late.. her sister had already died...  

I had so many burns with recent friends it hurts way to much to count I even realized what if I was just 

using this as a excuse to be anti-social.... but in the beginning I was never really good at expressing and when I did I felt like no one was their listening to me it felt empty telling it to those who really didn't wanna listen to me. Recently I realized my friends... whom I hold so dear to where struggling with everyday life and it hurt me to know that one of my friends would have gone as far as to tell me she liked me and then when I decided I would kiss her.... I realized that it was wrong to do that because the person who I loved was hurting inside but he didn't want to tell me so I told her I couldn't do it even though he said yes... I was stressed I even felt like I wasn't able to breath she had thought that it would be okay to kiss me so she could get over her feelings when really that isn't true that in itself is like your giving yourself hope... When I refuted to talk to her... she got mad and told one of the other girls that we hang out with that I was being a ass but really I wasn't... and then on top of that the girl got mad at me ... and hurt me even more... Their was a time I was hurt and just didn't want to talk to anyone so I didn't show up to lunch and didn't reply to my texts when I finally come to lunch.. my friend curses me out... because I don't answer her texts...

Their was a girl who I also originally choose that became my best friend over time since freshmen year and lots of things happened in our friendship... she did lots to hurt me.. her family.. was the first problem.. her dad had called me a lesbian and her... brother called me a slut and her younger brother called me a stupid slut... and my own best friend she called me lots of things... weak.. liar... and everything above you know what I am tired... of all this hurt it pains me to see things like this but hey its everyday life... she even accused me for having a knife to kill her... which wasn't true I didn't want to kill her....

I have so much problems with friends which is why I refuse to even... try to make friends or even try to open up to whatever is bothering me... Andrew is my boyfriend and even though he cheers me up these pains come back over and over again and... yes I know 

I have GOD but you know what .... if GOD is so great why is he making me loose all of the friends I have and why did I even meet them in the first place?.... this is why I stick to the quote...

The longer I'm alone, the more I want it to stay that way..